invincible summers

in the middle of winter I at last discovered that there was in me an invincible summer. (albert camus)

2009, in with a…zzzzzz January 1, 2009

Filed under: antidepressants,life,peace — clementine @ 9:48 am
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i rarely drink anymore. therefore, i tend to stay in while others are out ringing in the new year…drinking, puking, drinking more, silly hats and glasses, large crowds and did i mention drinking? occasionally i will enjoy a new years toast at home, a glass of champagne and that is it. but mostly new years eve reminds me of my ‘drinking years’ and those are years i would like to forget.

last night two friends of ours came over and we watched WALL-E. that was over at 11:30p. and then we talked a bit, switched the channel to see Dick Clark announcing Happy New Year. a few kisses and then more conversation. two hours of it i believe. the next thing I know my swain is waking me. i looked around the living room and our friends were gone. i had fallen asleep, sitting upright on the couch, right in front of them. ah, such is life.

this morning. 7:55am. wide awake. although my body craves sleep. it is screaming, sleep…sleep…sleep…and i’m lucky to get 6 hours of it these days. i am going to cut my dosage of celexa in half and slowly taper off. i’ve had enough of this insomnia and lethargy business.

and now, back to reality. our rent is due today. we are short $275.00. Technically we have until 4:30p on the 5th to pay it. I’m hoping for a miracle at this point. Yes, the donation button is still on my page for a reason but I realize most of you are in the same boat. this is when life gets tricky, those triggers that can knock you down. i will do my best to remain strong. in this case the failing economy and lack of work are major triggers for me and i must be careful. i will end with a prayer for peace. for us all. thanks to gianna for this.



happy holidays December 24, 2008

Filed under: depression,donate,life,love,peace — clementine @ 8:21 am
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our holiday party went well. many people packed into our house. cold outside. a few windows had to be opened from the body heat, wood burning in the fireplace and the food cooking in the kitchen. friends brought homemade hot cocoa. wine. red velvet cupcakes. cookies and brownies. salads. teriyaki chicken sticks. meat pies. cheese. crackers. and plenty leftover for us. thankfully, since we are broke. i was okay surrounded by many for the first time in a long time. no anxiety. no insecurities. i was just me.

my parents sent christmas presents and a few friends brought gifts. my parents also sent target gift cards, mostly spent on food but we were able to buy a few presents for each other. we will have a nice christmas morning under the lights. and then back to reality. how to pay the january rent? it will work out, i know. i must have hope. if you can donate, the button is still there on the right.

i hope all of you have a wonderful holiday. i hope you feel peace, love and understanding. i know i will. under the tree full of good memories from the past and present. decorated with my grandmother’s ornaments. the many ornaments given to me by my parents. and the handmade ones. colorful lights. all a delight. it’s the little things i treasure most.