invincible summers

in the middle of winter I at last discovered that there was in me an invincible summer. (albert camus)

comedy pt. 2 February 13, 2009

and this is comedy at its worst, script style.
(A true story, in fact, this happened today)

EXT WAITING ROOM-DOCTOR’S OFFICE

A WOMAN in her mid-30s sits waiting. She is lethargic, depressed, tired of it all. This is nothing new to her. She’s spent more than half of her life waiting, waiting for her doctors. SEVERAL PHARMACEUTICAL REPS enter as she waits for nearly 40 minutes. Her HUSBAND, by her side, *coughs* whenever they pass by and says, “drug pushers!”

I/E WAITING ROOM-DOCTOR’S OFFICE

A bored NURSE opens the door.

NURSE: Ms.____________?

The WOMAN rises. The usual. Weight check. Blood pressure check. The NURSE shows the WOMAN to her room.

INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE

The woman takes her usual seat and she hears…

NURSE: The doctor will be right with you.
WOMAN: (sighing) Thank you.

The WOMAN is waiting, flipping through a magazine. She thinks, will this ever end? Finally, she hears a lot of chatter outside the door and it opens. Her DOCTOR enters.

DOCTOR: Soooo, how’s it going?
WOMAN: Oh, well, the usual. The Celexa is horrible, just as I suspected. An antidepressant with side effects of depression symptoms. Oh, by the way, I heard your husband died in car wreck. I am terribly sorry.
DOCTOR: (looking down) Thank you.
WOMAN: So, anyway, I cannot deal with these side effects. Especially the loss of libido and constant lethargy. One cannot get out of a depressive state when you are on a drug that brings on more depression or depressive symptoms. I have no desire or energy to go anywhere. The anxiety is still there. Am I better than three months ago? Absolutely. But this is not my idea of a life and I want my life back.
DOCTOR: Okay, let’s try something new.

The WOMAN rolls her eyes as her doctor scrolls through her computer looking for a cheap, generic alternative. She’s having a hard time finding the generic.

WOMAN: May I ask which drug are you looking for? As you know I’ve been on most of them.
DOCTOR: Wellbutrin
WOMAN: Sorry, I’m allergic, should be in my chart. Bad rash. Hospital. Out of the question.
DOCTOR: Oh shit, that’s right. So, let’s try Effexor. I’ll be back, I’ll grab some samples and go over everything.

INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE-MOMENTS LATER

The DOCTOR enters with a 14-day supply of Effexor XR. She sits down and faxes a prescription via her computer to the WOMAN’S pharmacy.

WOMAN: I think I’ve been on Effexor before. In fact, I am positive I have been. Although, thanks to memory loss from the numerous medications I’ve taken over my lifetime, I cannot remember a thing about it. I have one question for you, does Effexor have the side effects similar to Celexa, those I am so desperately trying to escape?
DOCTOR: Look, I know you’re more well-versed on medications than most of my patients. I know you do the research. But I will tell you this: with Effexor XR you will have no weight gain.
WOMAN: Great!
DOCTOR: No feelings of lethargy. No loss of libido or other sexual side effects.
WOMAN: (unsure, but willing to give it a shot again) Okay. I’ll try it out.
DOCTOR: I’ve also refilled your Xanax.
WOMAN: I’m happy you mentioned that, I’ve read numerous studies, heard and read horror stories on Xanax withdrawal, when I get to that stage, I’d like to meet with you and discuss the best possible withdrawal scenario.
DOCTOR: (behind schedule and not really listening) Okay, no problem.

INT. WOMAN’S CONDO-ONE HOUR LATER

The WOMAN sits at her computer furiously researching Effexor XR. This is what she finds. Common side effects of Effexor: headache, nausea, dry mouth, sweating, sleepiness or insomnia, and diarrhea or constipation, weight gain, loss of libido and a host of other sexual dysfunctions. Most everything but the weight gain and sexual dysfunctions usually goes away within a couple of weeks.

The WOMAN stares blankly at her computer, really not surprised at the information she has found. She wonders to herself, “Someone please explain to me, why am I PAYING this doctor?”

FADE TO BLACK.

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3 Responses to “comedy pt. 2”

  1. giannakali Says:

    sorry…really…
    it’s not funny at all is it?

  2. clementine Says:

    no, it’s not funny.
    but it’s my life and it’s almost becoming comedic-these doctors, the medications, it’s all incredibly sad but i summed up my day as comedy at its worst. i knew going in what would happen, i knew she didn’t know what she was talking about re: Effexor and i’m just tired of it all.

  3. Princess Says:

    The Effexor XR was crazy. I was on it a year ago at this time and it made me manic. I do not have a mood disorder, I am not bipolar, I have anxiety, but that drug gave me this manic behavior. Before I was on Effexor XR, I was shy and while I was on the Effexor XR I became way too outgoing, which wasn’t me. It was like I was drunk all the time, it removed all my inhibition and I was saying and doing things that the real me would never say or do. I was taking all of these impulsive risks and I would share all of these random personal things about me with people. I would run around talking to people and would say and do things that were way out of character. A year later I am compeltely embarassed about all the things I said and did on Effexor XR. I remember someone at my college asked “Are you on medication?” and someoen else asked “Do you see a psychiatrist?” and I didn’t udnerstand why. I said and did all of these things that were just out of character. Now I want to find someone who I made a total fool out of myself on Effexor XR over. I acted way too friendly on that drug. I went from shy to over the top outgoing. Then when I got off it I was more shy than before. Effexor XR was a crazy drug. Now someone I know who I met while I was on Effexor XR tells me that I’m much better now and while I was on it I was manic and unbalanced. The only reason I stopped it was because in a manic moment I dropped my entire cocktail of the five psychotropic drugs I was on cold turkey because I liked the ‘high’ feeling I got during the withdrawal and suddenly, my old personality returned. Each month on the Effexor, instead of getting used to it, I got more and more manic. Who knows how long this would have gone on if I hadn’t dropped the drug? I now continue to worry about the crazy stuff I did on Effexor XR. It completely altered my personality. I did the craziest stuff on that drug. My reaction may have been unique, but it was really crazy. Very embarrassing. It was like this other person who was totally different from me took over my mind.

    That story is so true, the doctors always lie about the side effects. The doctor who gave me Risperdal was the worst. That drug was evil.

    My least favorite drugs were Risperdal, Abilify, Celexa and Effexor. Well, Effexor is actually one of those drugs where when you’re on it it feels great at the time, but when you’re off it you regret it and it’s embarrassing. Celexa was a sucky drug. I have a grudge against Celexa. Still, Risperdal is the worst. Whenever I think about all the months I was on it seven years ago I just get chills, thinking of how oblivious I was during that time as a young teenager, taking the Risperdal every day, not knowing the horrible things that were to come.


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