invincible summers

in the middle of winter I at last discovered that there was in me an invincible summer. (albert camus)

light January 14, 2009

I can finally see the light. Not sure how long it will last but things are a little better. We somehow managed to pay our January rent and are now figuring out how to pay February’s rent.

I have decided to stay on the Celexa and Xanax until things calm down. If you know me, you know how difficult this decision was. I dream of a life free of meds, those meds that only help me escape and of course damage my body, my brain. Several of my side effects are gone though, the insomnia…finally. I think that was the Abilify and it is completely out of my system, I hope. No more slurred speech, feeling like a zombie.

Good riddance to a nasty drug.

I can’t find the commercial on youtube that has been running constantly on television but it basically sends this message and not once in the ad is Abilify described for what it is, an antipsychotic. Instead they are flat out deceiving the public into believing this is an “alternative” to be taken in conjunction with an antidepressant. The following information all comes from the Abilify website where you clearly see the words: ABILIFY as add-on therapy for depression. REALLY?!?

Finding relief from unresolved symptoms of depression can be challenging. Medicine can affect each person differently. A clinical study showed that many people with depression did not achieve adequate symptom relief after taking an antidepressant.

If you’re still dealing with unresolved symptoms of depression even after trying one or more antidepressants, it may be time for you and your healthcare professional to consider adding ABILIFY to your antidepressant treatment. You may be able to achieve additional symptom relief.

Clinical studies compared the use of an antidepressant plus placebo (sugar pill) with the use of an antidepressant plus ABILIFY. When ABILIFY was added to their antidepressant treatment, people experienced significant improvement in their symptoms of depression compared to people treated with an antidepressant plus placebo.

ABILIFY is approved by the FDA to help improve symptoms in adults with major depression when added to an antidepressant. Although everyone responds to medication differently, in clinical trials with add-on ABILIFY, some patients experienced a significant improvement in symptoms of depression as early as 1 to 2 weeks.

The advertisement runs fairly long because these jokers need to tell you the disgusting side effects, where again, Abilify pretends to be an antidepressant:

Antidepressants may increase suicidal thoughts or behaviors in some children, teenagers, and young adults, especially within the first few months of treatment or when the dose is changed. Depression and other serious mental illnesses are themselves associated with an increase in the risk of suicide. Patients on antidepressants and their families or caregivers should watch for new or worsening depression symptoms, unusual changes in behavior, or thoughts of suicide. Such symptoms should be reported to the patient’s healthcare professional right away, especially if they are severe or occur suddenly. ABILIFY is not approved for use in pediatric patients with depression. Elderly people with psychosis related to dementia (for example, an inability to perform daily activities as a result of increased memory loss), treated with antipsychotic medicines including ABILIFY, are at an increased risk of death compared to placebo. ABILIFY is not approved for the treatment of people with dementia-related psychosis.

Hopefully soon these ads will disappear, they will be outlawed. Enough on this subject and back to what was to be my original post. I am taking small steps. Trying to eat healthier (not easy with little money) but I’m opting for soup vs. a .99 frozen pizza. I’ve gained at least 10 pounds since going back on meds a month or so ago and really need to watch what I put into my body. I’m hoping to get out and start walking again-I used to walk 5 miles a day and I miss it. But it is so very cold right now, not the best time to start. I want to say thank you to everyone who stopped by sending good thoughts. Knowing I’m not alone has been what’s kept me alive for so many years. So, truly, thank you very much.


5 Responses to “light”

  1. giannakali Says:

    Not to split hairs (or maybe yeah, I’m gonna split hairs!)…but antipsychotics are not actually the technical term for these drugs…that is the popular term…in point of fact they often do nothing to control psychosis and are more properly called by their class name neuroleptics which are major tranquilizers. They just shut down your brain…anyone’s brain, psychotic or not…they are not therapeutic in the least bit for maintenance use and cause permanent damage when used long term.

    I have a study I will share with you in PDF format showing that “psychotics” who do not use drugs have fewer relapses and better long-term outcomes then those who use neuroleptics long-term…so they are not anti anything but life…

    this study was done by the NIMH…it’s a credible study even for the skeptics…

  2. Stephany Says:

    Glad you’re feeling better! Furious Seasons has a post up today re: antipsychotics and increased risk for heart attack that’s worth reading….giving Abilify as an add-on for depression in my opinion is blatent DTC/pharma marketing by-product!

    Going off of meds is not easy, and it’s however you can deal with withdrawals is the way to go, just like you are doing. I’m still removing Xanax and Lamictal, slowly, because last Spring the reduction of Xanax was awful–insomnia, all kinds of symptoms that made me say “Enough!”.

    Hang in there

  3. hopeworkscommunity Says:

    I hear what you are saying about meds. My wife has bipolar and I have watched her go through hell. Abilify was one of her hells. Along with seroquel, and many others. We have lived some of the same things. We have not yet payed the Jan rent.

    We found you on mental health bloggers and we have just joined. give us a visit sometime.

    Larry Drain

  4. PrincessMoon Says:

    I got really bad akathisia on Abilify, I was very restless and couldn’t stop moving. I was so scared. I was a teenager at the time I was on ir and it was scary stuff.

    The worst antipsychotic for me was Risperdal. I was on it when I was in the eighth grade, when I was 13 or 14. It was added on to the antidepressant I was on. Risperdal was by far the worst antipsychotic. I’m now dealing with a long term effect. Back when I was on Risperdal, the side effect that seemed the least bad was the fact that my menstrual cycle was messed up and I stopped getting my period. When I went off Risperdal, my menstrual cycle was irregular forever, but my periods did return. I was on Risperdal when I was 14. I started it at either 13 or 14 I forget, but I was in the eighth grade. Now, I’m 21 and it’s been over seven years since I’ve been on Risperdal and now it’s made some triumphant return. I haven’t gotten my period in about eight months. I had a blood test done which said that I have no estrogen in my body now and my bones will become weak. I have had very low energy for awhile, which is probably because of that. Risperdal somehow comes back over seven years later to pay a visit. However, at least the really bad side effects I had while I was on Risperdal didn’t return.

    I also found out that I’ve been on medication a lot longer than I remember. I was told recently that I started medication when I was 7, I was put on Prozac. All this time I thought my first drug was Ritalin.

    Risperdal had such horrible side effects and it did not help at all, but everyone thought I was doing great on it. My anxiety was just as strong on Risperdal. In all of the pictures of me that were taken while I was on it, my eyes just looked so weird, just dead. I remember that summer while I was on Risperdal, my family went on a cruise. Risperdal caused an increase in appetite and of course that summer my parents took the Risperdal on the cruise. Luckily, I was on stimulants at the time, which likely decreased a lot of the antipsychotics side effects since stimulants do the opposite, they stimulate the nervous system and do the reverse of the antipsychotics, so things probably would have been a lot worse without the stimulants.

    Now I’m back to being as skinny as I was before I started the antipsychotics, but now all these doctors diagnosed me with anorexia. I want to stay this skinny, so I’m afraid to go back on medication and my anxiety is just really bad. I’m as skinny as I was back when I was in middle school before the antipsychotics and I am just so scared of going back on medication. I want to stay skinny but I also want to get rid of this anxiety. I am more anxious than I’ve ever been in my entire life and it’s a really bad feeling. I feel like things I say and write don’t make sense anymore. Things were easier when I was medicated, but the side effects were horrible and the drugs didn’t really help.

    I love watching teen dramas and soap operas. The 90210 spinoff is going to have a main character have a mental illness. The comments on the forums were really mean. A lot of the viewers said things like, “They need to put her on pills” and “She needs to be medicated” and it’s just really hard to read people making these statements and insulting a character they used to like just because they have a mental illness. I am a huge fan of teen dramas and soap operas and I expressed on a forum that I was glad that they were including a character with a mental illness. Not as many viewers were as tolerant and they made comments like that this mental illness storyline is ruining the character and it is just really unfair that they finally get a character with a mental illness on t.v. and the viewers are so mean.

    The original 90210 had characters with mental illnesses and they were treated in sympathetic and realistic ways. I hope the new 90210 does the same. Wow I wrote a lot.

  5. clementine Says:

    Gianna, I completely agree with you. They are not anti anything but life…my issue is simple…I continue to see the Abilify ads and they are not calling it anything except an add-on to treatment if you are depressed. it is complete BS and every time I see the commercial I want to throw up.

    Larry, thanks for your visit-I will check out your site soon, I’ve been sick for the past month or so.

    Princess Moon-you do write a lot and that’s why I like you! I’ve always been known to “ramble” in life. I am terribly sorry for everything you have been through. I think I told you before, but if you haven’t please check out Beyond Meds at ning:

    I know exactly how you feel. It is scary. And I also gained a lot of weight on Seroquel and Abilify. I lost the Seroquel weight quickly but the Abilify weight has yet to come off because I’ve had some other health problems and haven’t been able to walk much or exercise. The truth is-I’ve spent quite a bit of time on my couch the last several months, which is not good. I am only on one med right now-Xanax-and it helps me with my anxiety but it is addictive and I hope to wean off of it soon. Unfortunately it’s a much cheaper route than my preference, acupuncture…but as soon I can afford it, I’ll return to acupuncture. regardless, check out the many other paths you can take and I hope you heal soon. all my best to you!! sorry it’s taken so long to reply here, I hope you get this.

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