invincible summers

in the middle of winter I at last discovered that there was in me an invincible summer. (albert camus)

a new year and new beginnings December 31, 2008

this is what i do know:

1) i am a simple girl and cannot write as eloquently or intelligently as so many of you out there. i am (kinda) okay with this.

2) i am 35 and for 15+ years of my life I have been on/off psychiatric medications. not one of them worked long-term. many (too many) of them had horrific side effects and long-term side effects that I will be dealing with for the rest of my life, possibly.

3) Big Pharma is not there to help the mentally ill, cure us, or even make us feel better. Big Pharma=Big Money in their pockets. Whether it be a Prozac Nation or an Atypical Antipsychotic Nation, they do not want a Healthy Nation. In simple terms, they would lose a tremendous amount of money since psychiatric medications are their best selling drugs.

4) Doctors are becoming more and more corrupt. The Joe Biederman’s and Charles B. Nemeroff’s of the world are proof of this. Doctors in the mental health field seem to both listen and care less. We are becoming numbers, not patients. I know this from experience. A therapist who dozed off during our session (a session I was paying good money for!) Numerous psychiatrists that write multiple prescriptions without even blinking or thinking. with no warning of the drug’s side effects or withdrawal symptoms. We see doctors prescribing multiple medications to children while their brains are still developing and they are not willing to figure out what’s really going on with these children. It’s all about the quick fix regardless of the severe and damaging consequences.

5) We need more science. period.

what i don’t know and the rest, after some soul-searching, i have decided to travel my own path. i will figure it out along the way. i will continue to do my own research. i will try new things like meditation, yoga and supplements. and revisit things that have worked for me in the past, acupuncture, keeping an open mind. all in hopes of finding a balance. my center. i will continue writing as it the best form of therapy for me right now. i will attempt to face a past traumatic experience and figure out how to let it go. its grasp is still there after so many years and can be crippling at times. i will attempt to stop seeking understanding from those that may never understand and instead, live my life. after all, it is my body, my mind and i don’t know how long i’ll be here on earth. i need to make the best of my life, no matter how difficult it may feel or get at times.

i will seek more love, forgiveness and peace in the new year.

and i’m wishing a happy new year to all of you!

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6 Responses to “a new year and new beginnings”

  1. immbas Says:

    Happy New Year to you too. I am close to you in age, and close to you in experiences. I wish you only the best, and hope we can both trail a new path without these debilitating drugs. May we succeed so others can follow. If you haven’t already read it, try reading “A Fight To Be — A Psychologist’s Experience From Both Sides of the Locked Door” by Ronald Bassman, Ph.D. An excellent read! There are others of us out there…

    Take good care.

  2. susan Says:

    Happy New Year to you too. I am sorry I just found you but I will be reading you next year!

  3. giannakali Says:

    Happy new year…
    you write beautifully by the way…

  4. Stephany Says:

    Happy New Year!!

  5. Van Says:

    Happy New Year….

    This line – “i need to make the best of my life, no matter how difficult it may feel or get at times.” – so true… As do I.

  6. Alex Says:

    You’re quite right, we do need to figure out how to restructure our society, make it work again. Yet few are listening.

    “For this is the society we have created”, has been my mantra for a while. Yet people shrug, until they lose their job, until something tragic happens to them and they see that there is no safety net. Or they pop another pill and everything is right with the world, yet they still can’t smile.

    I’m at my wits end as well.


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