invincible summers

in the middle of winter I at last discovered that there was in me an invincible summer. (albert camus)

Celexa insomnia continues December 20, 2008

wow. The Celexa is really messing with my sleep schedule. Prior to the medication this was my average schedule when not working: to bed between midnight-3am and i would wake between 9am-noon.

and now, for example, this will give you an idea of my sleep schedule.
Thursday night, well Friday morning, rather…I went to bed at 7am and woke up at 9:30am to help a friend shop for her son’s Christmas toys. at least it got me out of the house. ran a few errands. came home, cleaned and then napped from 5ish-8pm. Went to bed at 3:30am and woke up this morning or actually bolted out of bed at 6:30am. I can’t go back to sleep although, physically my body is craving it, my eyelids are very heavy right now, can hardly keep them open to see the page. Mentally, I can’t. and so I made a pot of coffee, called my grandmother and parents. now, I’m wondering if this medication is worth the trouble. I did not call my doctor because I see her in 9 days and figured I’d talk about it then but the lack of sleep is really getting to me.

This reminds me of something a psychiatrist once told me: it is crucial to get outside at least 5 days a week and walk for 30 minutes. Make sure you get a solid 7-8 hours of sleep, preferably on the same schedule and take a strong multi-vitamin everyday.

Well, first of all, as I’ve state numerous times before, when I’m working on a film, my schedule kinda goes like this: wake between 4-5am. quickly shower and out the door. wrap around 7-8pm. then back to home or hotel and work (planning the next day’s schedule, calling actors, etc) for another three or four hours. So, basically, I work on average 12-19 hours a day. usually 6 day weeks for anywhere from 6 weeks to 5 months at a time. There will never be such a thing as a normal, patterned sleep schedule in my business and if I get a “real” job, well, no, that’s probably not going to happen Anyway, I’m usually too tired or busy to remember to take my flax oil and multi-vitamin. Here’s something of interest, I have a ritual when it comes to work and let me describe my “office”

It’s almost always in a tiny room in what we call a honeywagon:
I usually open up two rooms if I don’t have a lot of day player actors, because the “stars” have their own trailers. Anyway, I load into my “office” the day before filming commences with my printer, office supplies, pictures, candles, trail mix, cliff bars, vitamins, ibuprofen, etc. It’s all very organized and I keep it that way. The weird thing is, I use/eat all of the above every day, no matter how much drama is going on, except the vitamin and flax oil. I only take them on occasion, usually every 2 days or so.

Why? this is a question I cannot answer and I’d like to.

Anyway, back to the other issues which I believe are all Celexa-related. Lethargy. Depression. Funny how those anti-depressants create more depression. I have little to no motivation. For example, I have always been a shower/bath freak. Every single day, sometimes twice. I love bath and body products, unfortunately the expensive ones. But, recently I went three days without washing my hair and only took a bath once during those three days because my body ached. I have other side effects too that I won’t get into but they are not good. And so, I’m left feeling I must learn to travel the alternative path. It’s not easy in my business but there must be a way. I’d really like to do the following consistently when I have the money: acupuncture, yoga and find a good nutritionist. until then I must gather motivation for the simple things like: walking, more sunshine. more smiling and laughter. and less sadness and seclusion.

Tonight is probably our last Holiday party because we’re most likely moving to Santa Fe this fall. Surprisingly, considering all of the above, I’m actually looking forward to the party. Even though we’ll have about 20 or more friends crammed into our 2 bedroom home and I haven’t felt like being around anyone for months. Everyone is bringing a dish and hopefully there will be leftovers because we are B-R-O-K-E. but, i’m making red velvet cupcakes with green & red sprinkles and my famous spinach dip.

Here’s the recipe (I always double it for a party):

8 ounces Cream Cheese-cubed
5 ounces frozen chopped spinach
2T Pimento-diced
1t Worcestershire sauce
1/4t Garlic salt
1/4 Whipping cream
2T Parmesan cheese-grated
2t onion-finely chopped
1/4t Thyme

Combine cream cheese and cream in Crock Pot. Cover and heat until cheese is melted, 30-60 minutes. Add remaining ingrediants. Cover and heat 30 minutes. Serve with raw vegetables, crackers or bread pieces.

Okay, enough of this. I am walking to the kitchen, taking the Flax Oil seed vitamin and Multivitamin, putting them in my mouth and swallowing. Back. there. done. moving on.


4 Responses to “Celexa insomnia continues”

  1. AG Says:

    Yeah, Celexa is pretty insane, I crashed from it about two years go. Eke! Hang in there, this to will pass.

  2. Shana Says:

    I’m really bad about taking vitamins…my 30 day supply can last me 9 months. And the expensive Glucosamine pills that “my doctor” recommended for daily use have been sitting untouched for weeks. I find my energy is generally higher when I take the multi-vitamin but I have a ridiculous aversion to pills, no matter how much good they do me.

  3. clementine Says:

    thanks-love all your websites and linked them here.

    Wonderful, I’m not alone!!!

  4. AG Says:

    Thanks! You Rock!

    Depression and Anxiety Disorder (I have a mix) is so hard to understand, by writing about it. I feel like that helps more then anything I can take, I also feel like all my freinds who are on various pharma, love them, but it’s a crutch. Oh well, such is the society we’ve created.

    Thanks once again for the links.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s