invincible summers

in the middle of winter I at last discovered that there was in me an invincible summer. (albert camus)

love during wartime September 11, 2006

Filed under: life,love — clementine @ 8:02 pm
Tags: ,

september 11th. people always ask, where were you that day?

2001 was a busy year for me, i worked two films back-to-back and made enough money to take a long break. i was three months into that break and i remember questioning my place in the world. that morning, september 11th, i awoke very early. this was unusual for a girl who likes to sleep and one who was heavily medicated for her depression. but for some reason i woke up without the alarm. 6:00am c.s.t. hmmm, what to do. i took a shower and put on a fresh pair of pajamas. to the kitchen, not hungry. to the living room and i turned on the tv. i was watching the today show and wondering why i was awake. when the news broke…matt laurer thought a pilot lost his way, i called my parents and they said, there’s nothing to worry about, calm down…and then, the second plane. and silence. for a long time it seemed. my mind was quiet (for the first time in a very long time…) i pictured a man, alone, in his office, enjoying a cup of coffee, reading the new york times…and he looked outside his window high above the city and saw a plane headed right towards him. and just like that, his time here on earth was over. i put a tape in the vcr and did not stop recording…several tapes and several weeks later i switched the channel to animal planet and it remained there for three months.

a little over a year later (i was finally working again) i received a call…i heard…your cousin, brian, he was killed. in kuwait. i hung up and held back the tears (we were shooting nights and i had a long night ahead of me…) until the moment came when i could not pretend everything was OK. so many crew and cast members held my hand and carried me through the rest of that long, cold night. i am forever grateful to them all. my life was never the same after that evening. my views on so many issues changed drastically…but my eyes were opened to so much…and with each day i came closer to finding my place in this world.

yesterday i married the man i am in love with. the man who gets me. who loves me. he has a kind heart and warm eyes. we exchanged vows privately, no frilly dress, silly bouquet or something borrowed… it was a beautiful day with only one friend there to take photographs. to describe yesterday is something i feel in those quiet moments with him…but cannot find the words for…a friend found the words…beautiful words from a beautiful friend….

I read somewhere once that each of us has our own perfection. And we very rarely reach it. Each of us, in our entire lives, may only reach our perfection a few times, if even that much. And to reach our ultimate perfection is so rare that most people will never, ever do it.

So I recently had a reminder of how great humanity can be when we actually try for our perfection. Some friends of mine asked me to come along and share a part of their weekend. It was a small affair, and private, but they asked me to come. I got to witness a pretty major event in their lives, and I watched two people, for one moment, reach their ultimate perfection. It was beautiful and inspiring and I am ever grateful that they shared it with me.

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