a break May 12, 2009

I was indirectly accused of being a ‘loyal blind minion’ to a fellow victim of psychiatric medications. I was also indirectly accused of acting petty and school yard-like. But even though this person did not contact me directly to say these things- I do know this person was referring to me and others at a website created to attack someone. I can’t tell you how much this hurts.

I do not have thick skin. I wish I did. But if you’ve been reading my site for over 3 years now, you know my story and probably know it well. I was brutally raped at 15. Spent time in a mental hospital. I was labeled and put on countless psychiatric medications for nearly 20 years which have nearly destroyed my body.

Since my awakening a little over three years ago, I have been attempting to tear down the walls that I built after the rape, I have been calling out Big Pharma for their disgusting tactics and I began to travel a path which is foreign to me, a med-free path with the help of acupuncture and multi-vitamins. This is my path and I chose it. Everyone has their right to choose their own path and I certainly do not attack them for what they choose.

This all started when I simply donated $10.00 to a girl who was in dire need of treatment. Her situation was much more dire than mine has ever been and I felt for her. And then the attacks began. Call me naive but I thought we were all in this together. Unfortunately, I have found this not to be true. And since I don’t have thick skin and I have been personally attacked by someone who I thought cared about me…I am taking a break from my blog. I am going to take care of myself. I have hit too many bottoms in my lifetime and I cannot hit another one-not now, not so soon after my experience last fall when I turned to the antipsychotics I despise and yet had no choice but to take them short-term.

When I was a teenager I was told by my mother that I would grow up to be a prostitute. She said this in anger because she found out I was having sex. Her words lived with me for a long time and I have since forgiven her in my heart for this. Little did she know why I was having sex. And truth be told, little did I know…it all started after I was raped and because it was so brutal-I blocked it out for years. I have since learned it is not uncommon for victims of sexual abuse to turn to numbing sex. We escape, we put on a mask, etc. However, her words hurt. Just like being called a ‘loyal blind minion’ hurt. Why does it hurt? because that is not who I am. Those of you who truly know me, know this.

Right now I cannot tolerate, yes, these petty like games and schoolyard behaviors. My teen years were tough enough and it wasn’t until I started this blog that I began to recover from all of the trauma I experienced during those years. I’m not going back. Lastly, I certainly did not start this site only to receive personal (although indirect) attacks from fellow survivors of psychiatric meds.

So, farewell for now and peace to you all. and thank you so very much for all of your support over the past 3+ years. I will be forever grateful. And to those of you seeking an alternative path, whatever it may be, please know you are not alone.